i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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