Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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