I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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