My first STD was from a foam party
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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