apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
