alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
