I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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