Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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