Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
