I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
