we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Every concussion has its silver lining
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
