he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
