what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
