my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize