I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
