I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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