I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
