he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
