i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
