Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
