I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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