Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
