haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
