why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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