you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
