If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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