he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't turn off my feet"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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