from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
