Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
