bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
