I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
