What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
