ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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