Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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