we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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