three words: i give head
three words: not that well
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
