I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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