so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
