How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
