did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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