We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
