Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
