But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to align my fucking chakras
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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