Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
