she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its about making memories worth repressing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
