I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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