Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
