Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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