Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize