next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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