Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
