yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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