after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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