Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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