she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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