Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
