Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
