I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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