"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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