The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
