Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
