There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
