I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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