that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
