we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
