Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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